I know I could do better but I don't

I hope, I hope, I know I could do do better but I don’t
Playing out the patterns of my soul,
Tell me now who’s really in control?
Tearing up the contracts as I go,

And they don’t, they don’t speak the truth it’s all a show
Corrupted by illusion up in smoke
So now I choose to let it go

I went from too self centered,
Too self obsessive
Too self expressive
To now self is secondary to the message
I write my epic but erase myself from the scenes
Wax poetic and project it up on the screens
And I see that, the tendency to cut it to pieces,
Convince myself that it’s not ready for release yet
Look at the stars for answers, I guess it’s Venus
Or Mercury, something encoded in me, cos it’s seems that

Starting is easy cos it flows,
swept up in the energy it does’t feel like it’s coming from me and so,
self consciousness goes, I’m in the zone
Then at a moments notice I notice that I’m alone
Well, oh no, I know, I feel it happening again
Another verse, another song for the heap
Another poem that I keep,
Another piece of my prose that’ll never be exposed
Stay in the shadows unknown
Until the day I go

Peeling back the layers of my self to find,
Somehow it’s wired within me they say I’m made to write,
But I’ve whored out my words,
Turning tricks on the curb,
Until morality blurs,
And something powerful’s stirred within me,
Essence emerged within me,
A voice of truth that I heard within me,
Telling me to tend to that fire that burns within me
Then — enter the critic who kills it when he observes the feeling
Categorize, crticise, analysing,
Finding a hundred fucking reasons to deny it
Self-sabotaging undermining and gaslighting
Hiding the fuel because he knows as soon as it ignites it’s on
And he’ll lose the control, I’m burning down all the moulds
And start expressing my soul,
Reunify with the whole,